The Mean Girls— you know them, you’ve watched them, they exist at every school. My mean girl is named Christie. She has natural pin-straight hair and boobs in size extra large. She struts down the halls wearing her blue Hermes scarf, always accompanied by the school’s notorious man candies. You know the type: tall, muscular, sun kissed boys who spend their nights doing sit-ups and practicing pickup lines in the mirror. The other day I had the chance to talk to Man Candy #1 and Man Candy #2. You know what they said? They told me they don’t even like Christie, that they use her to go to parties and meet other girls. Who knew that guys were such social climbers! If even her closest minions despise her, then why is she still numero uno? I feel a revolution in the air! Time to take after our founding fathers and bring this annoying “alpha, beta” high school social structure down… just kidding. I despise drama.

x Riley